10 Things I Hate About You: Josh Edition

Find the blog Mollie wrote about the 10 Things She Hates About Me here.

Well after much hype and anticipation I have finally completed my guest blog appearance. I want to start off by saying it was definitely NOT my idea to write “hateful” things about my spouse and post in on the internet. But Mollie convinced me it would be “funny” and “cute” or something like that. So I’m just going to dive right into it. These are in no particular order.

1. My wife seems to be lacking the simple ability to efficiently put toothpaste on her tooth brush. This has bothered me since we first got married and shared a tube of toothpaste. Yes, she grabs it in the middle of the tube and squeezes it like she is trying to kill a bug. Any normally adjusted individual squeezes from the bottom to the top while folding the empty part towards the opening of the tube of paste. Not Mollie. It is probably the most unorganized thing she does other than the order she finishes her crafts. I will get to those things in this blog as well.

2. Mollie has this tendency to hide/steal things from me. For example I will literally put a cup on the counter and while I walk to the fridge to get the chilled/filtered water, somehow she finds a way to snatch that cup and put it in the dish washer. This really happened and is a regular occurance and not just with dishes. Other times she is sneaky and takes things like my pants or tools and hides them in places no normal person would look. Like anywhere other than where I left them or where I want to keep them!!! I have gone weeks looking for vehicle registrations, clothes and even icons on our desktop that I put there so I could find them again. It’s out of control.

3. My wife literally could wear a different scarf every day for 3-5 months. I have no clue how many she has and I simply cannot understand the purpose of them! It seems like every day she asks me if I like her NEW scarf. I mean...where does she get the money?! Even if they only cost $5 that would still be a small fortune! Then, like I said earlier, what is the purpose?! She will wear these things when it's 100 degrees. She has even started to drag her friends, family and co-workers into this clinically insane habit.

4. We all fear evil men, but there is something we should fear most and that is a woman who steals the covers. I can't tell you how many nights I have woken up cold to the touch because Mollie happened to dream that she was a Komodo dragon in a death role and wrapped herself up like a burrito! I have gotten better at realizing when my blanket reserves are getting short and have learned all is fair in love and war and yank them back without mercy. If she wakes up she wakes up. Papa's got to be warm. She also ripped out sheets in her sleep. True story! It’s on her side so she can’t even try to blame me. J

5. A good husband will encourage his wife in all of her endeavors. Well my wife is pretty crafty but she has the attention span of a gold fish. She gets these grand ideas for these awesome crafts and I'm all like, "Ya babe go for it! I know you can do it!" Then 8 months later she has started 6 more crafts, completes 3 or 4 of them, but I'm still missing 30 of my favorite t-shirts that were supposed to be a blanket. (She actually stole them without telling me so I was confused why I never had shirts for a month or two. Good thing I was busy with work.)It's completed now, but I lost track of everything she is up to. I have learned to just nod and smile. 

6. We also have all heard the “joke” women can't drive. Well my wife does not completely personify that sentiment, but she comes close at times. I remember once I was on the phone in the kitchen talking to someone I didn't want to be talking to and I looked outside just in time to see my wife run right into my trailer and throw it like a rag doll. It gave me a great excuse to hang up which was good. She had destroyed the newly replaced bumper of her last vehicle which happened to be the nicest part of it! It was actually pretty funny and ironic. There have been other times where she just spaces off and hits 90mph without knowing it. One time Peter Seehusen and I were passengers on our way to Hickory Park and we both cringed as the street slightly curved while Mollie didn't seem to notice. We must have barely skimmed the curb and she had no idea why we had a look of sheer terror! I swore I would never buy her a nice car because it inevitably would hit something it shouldn't. Grandpa Harm and Grandma Junice got the best of me with an awesome deal and turns out Mollie is a princess and got a nice one anyway.

7. Some people have drinking problems or gambling problems but my wife has an organization problem. She doesn't just put everything into totes and label them with laminated skicky labels, she organizes our bed! Yes, our bed has to be "organized" before we fall asleep. Crazy much?! All of our pillows have to be just right and laid out in their spots just right... Lord save me.

8. I'm going to do an organization part b. I am a business owner who has everything right where I need it on my desktop. I am an efficient money making machine!!! I can't spend my time looking for my files after they disappear. I mean I'm a big deal ok...that is all. ;) This is also part of #2

9. Mollie told me I should write about the fact that she "can't cook." Well there is some truth there but I'm ok with it. I mean ya she can't cook like Marie from Everyone Loves Raymond" but what she makes I like. I kinda like ordering out a lot too. I know I am terrible but burritos, chips, pizza, sweet corn, and grilling is always good! 

10. Lastly Mollie has this crazy idea that from 8-11pm is the best time to exercise, decorate, organize, ask me to do projects, etc. Most days, especially in the summer I am hardly coherent because of everything I have to deal with. If I hear one more person say, “Well I have never seen that happen before”  in regards to something I own or work with I will lose it. So ya, I do not want to be productive at that hour. But good for her. She gets crud done! ;)